We spoke last Sunday of Abraham Lincoln - specifically why Lincoln was the ideal leader for the time and place in which he was president. Parker Palmer says about Lincoln that, "only a man who has done hard soul work could have held the Union together." This is more significant for you and I than it may, at first, appear...
When we are used to confronting the "stuff" in our own soul...when we quit spinning stories to ourselves that paint us as always winners, good guys, and/or victims. When we build the habit and ability to be honest with ourselves, and wrestle with the darkness lurking inside us, then the darkness in other people doesn't surprise us or freak us out anymore (or at least, not as much).
Because Lincoln wrestled with his inner demons and suffered from what today we would call Clinical Depression (then referred to as Melancholy), he was able to lead the country through the Civil War without ever demonizing the South. When we are comfortable with our own pain and "lack", then we are able to hold other's "lack" and depravity with grace and patience. Ultimately we want to be truth tellers, and it starts with us. Learning to tell the truth about ourselves helps us tell the truth about others with grace and love instead of with spite and hostility.